" I HATE MYSELF & I WANT TO DIE "
i'm re-reading prozac nation (by elizabeth wurtzel) , again at a time which is making each word i read boom through my skull.
my comforter, isn't being comforting. i'm not sure where these tears are coming from, maybe it's the loneliness? maybe it's the chemicals? making it's that i'm out of cigarette after this last one?
thinking maybe sex & the city would make me feel better
i look at their bodies, carrie, samatha, i begin t o feel that sensation, the hollowing on the stomach, the tightening of the throat. i know it's coming, the vomit, the wish for these thighs to disappear, this obese body.
how do i live like this? how am i suppose to thrive?
grasping my sea foam paint stained dress; how am i suppose to survive like this, i cannot do this.
pretending i can actually breath down here,
i love you,
"my bones cannot take this loneliness. "
&
photograph of caroline joy-elizabeth (myself) & cristian hernandez
taken by michèle côté.
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